WTF?!

[JESSE]

STRANGER THAN FICTION

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Welcome to my contest, the entire purpose of which is to make your characters ask you: wtf?

I want you to put one or more of your characters in a ridiculous situation. Or several ridiculous situations stacked on top of each other. It doesn't matter whether any of it is possible or not. Suspend our disbelief. Suspend your CHARACTER'S disbelief.

RULES

• It must be at least 500 words long if you are using a single character, 700 for two, and 1000 for three. If you made the situation crazy enough, your character should have plenty to say.
  
• You may not use more than three of your characters.
  
• Think about how they would really react - no matter how weird the situation is, it should feel like it really is happening to them.
  
• PM me all entries!

Be creative, and have fun!

[JESSE]

This contest is now CLOSED! Congratulations to DANNA for winning 700 DRACHMA so epically!!

THE WINNING ENTRY

One moment she was dancing with Erebus, the next she was being pulled into the arms of the man she least expected. At first it was easy enough to assume it was Jesse…After all, she couldn’t think of anyone else who would want her away from Erebus and would be so bold as to pull her away. Part of her was grateful that he was trying, but she fixed her glower into place as she was turned to face him, thoroughly stunned to find herself face to face with Hades. Shock took her for a moment before she cringed in disgust from that mangled beard then into irritation and mild fear. This was the man who had tried to have her killed and had humiliated her in front of all of those lunatic morons in the Underworld. “What the hell--” she began, but as he placed his finger over her mouth to quiet her and handed her a single long stemmed red rose, her emerald eyes grew wide once more in surprise. “Is going on…?” she finished warily, leaning her head back before speaking, not sure where that finger had been and not wanting to taste it to find out.

“I love you.”

For a moment the world was still and silent around her. Time must have stood still and she felt paralyzed, unable to move or speak or think. Danna waited, sure she was about to be attacked at any moment by something or someone, but nothing happened. He only took her hand and placed the rose in her palm and kissed the top of her hand. He was kidding, right? He had to be kidding. But there was no malice in his eyes, no sneer…Only an oddly sweet smile and some odd look in his eyes, like all of these gushy teenagers fawning all over one another. Her stomach churned uneasily and she felt bile rise in her throat. He had to be screwing around with her, but she had a bad feeling this was no joke. “You…what?!?!” she demanded, eyes wild in panic and frustration.

“Don’t listen to him, Danica! He’ll never love you the way I do!”

The voice was familiar, but before Danna could figure it out, she was being pulled away. The rose fell to the floor and someone else’s lips were crashing down onto her own. Oh that was familiar…Her brother Eros. Danna shook her head and shoved him away, watching him fall to the ground and stare up at her dreamily. This was a practical joke. Someone was seriously screwing with her. Jesse! That was it…He had set them both up to it as revenge for dancing with Erebus, though how he had gotten Hades to agree to it was odd. Why was he even talking to his father?! Danna shook her head and wiped her mouth. “One! Do not call me Danica. My name is Danna. Two…WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE TWO OF YOU?!” She glanced from one to the other, slightly alarmed by everything that was happening. Hades, lord of the dead who wanted her dead, was giving her a rose and professing his love for her while her brother was making out with her for all to see. Danna glanced around wildly, half expecting to find someone laughing or a video camera or something, but people were only staring and whispering.

“I have seen the light! I am so horribly sorry for attempting to kill you, my love…But once Jesmar is out of the way, we can be tog--”

“She is mine!” Eros hissed, glaring at Hades and stepping forward. His hand tightened around his bow and Danna eyed it suspiciously, then walking around Hades and Eros as the two began arguing wildly and furiously over her. There it was. Danna sighed and pulled the golden arrow out of Hades’s back. Sadly removing the arrow didn’t fix the problem. Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, she carried the arrow back over and glanced over Eros, noticing a small golden scratch on his wrist. He must have accidentally scratched himself with the arrow while raising it to aim at Hades.

“You need to start learning how to take target practice, brother!” Danna snapped, tossing the arrow aside, careful not to prick herself with it. That would be a disaster. She then slapped Eros across the face and marched over to Hades and poked him in the chest. “And you need to leave me and Jesse alone! I don’t care what you think you feel…You deserve to be miserable! Now both of you, go away and leave me alone! Now! Or else!” she snapped, hoping their new love and obsession with her would make them obedient.

No such luck.

“I’m sorry, Danic--Danna! I’m sorry, you deserve someone so much more brilliant than I! But I shall make you proud, sister, and maybe one day you--”

“Knock it off, pretty boy! She is mine!”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD, I DON’T BELONG TO ANYBODY! she snapped, growling in frustration and ducking out of the way as Hades and Eros both charged towards her, arms extended, and ended up collided and falling onto the ground. Danna snickered and immediately her hand flew to her mouth, but it was too late…They had seen her. Both men got to their knees and began crawling after her. She had to admit, it was somewhat pleasing to see Hades on his knees now, but she wasn’t liking what this meant or where it was going. For a moment she just gaped at them. They were pathetic! Like dogs. She folded her arms over her chest, glaring around, knowing she’d catch the culprit but finding none. She knew she had found proof…Both had been hit by Cupid’s arrow and were madly in love with her, but she knew it had to be a trick…It was all a set up. Wasn’t it? Sadly it wasn’t and her face fell as the two got nearer, grinning up at her hopefully and barking at one another and trying to shove each other out of the way.

“UGH!” Danna growled, stepping onto Hades’s back as he got near and stepped off of him, heading towards the bar. “JESSE, YOU ASSHOLE, STOP SITTING TEHRE AND HELP ME! OH MY FUCKING GODS! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?!?!”

My personal thanks to everyone who entered. You all made me laugh! ;D